Before you get married ask your partner what their expectations are. In fact, point blank ask them, “Are you look for a partner or a parent?” If you are looking for different things, don’t get married. If you have the expectation that marriage is a partnership and it ends up being a parent/adult-child relationship chances are you’ll be disappointed.
In my mind marriage was supposed to be a partnership. A partnership in which two people share duties and responsibilities, but also have fun together. They enjoy life together. While they may have some different hobbies and interests, they also have many common interests to enjoy together. I don’t think my husband(partner) feels the same.
I bear much of the mental load (a whole separate subject unto itself) and the child rearing responsibilities. He works. I do not. I used to, though. My days are filled with household duties like, cleaning, cooking, grocery shopping, overseeing virtual learning, etc. They are also filled with, setting medical appointments, writing grocery lists, setting budgets, organizing everything in the house, comforting children, settling arguments between siblings, planning vacations, etc. In a nutshell, I am a maid, personal shopper, bookkeeper, accountant, tax preparer, cook, travel agent, teacher, personal comfort object, server, organizational consultant; honestly, the list goes on and on. My husband is the bread-winner, mechanic, and lawnscaper/pool boy.
When I ask for help, I am nagging. When I demand help, I am a bitch. When I yell while demanding help, I am a commanding(fucking) bitch. I ask for help several times before I demand, and demand a few times before I yell. My brain is absolutely exhausted. My body is exhausted, so when it is time for my job as personal slut/whore, I am often too tired to perform my duties. “I’m sorry honey, I can’t give you a blow job right now, I am just too tired.”
“Oh, what’s that? You can do all the other things yourself, but you can’t fuck yourself or suck your own dick? Poor pitiful you.”
It’s not that I am ungrateful for what my husband does, it’s that I feel he doesn’t fully grasp all that I do. My brain is constantly going. I have a hard time going to sleep. I feel guilty when I don’t get done all the things that need to be done. I agonize over all that I have to do. He works. That’s enough. He falls (and stays) asleep easily.
Unfortunately, I wanted a partner but he wanted a mom, except (of course) when a mom tells you what to do.