Ahhh… the age old question, “What came first, the chicken or the egg?” Only in my case it’s, “What came first, the depression or the extreme fatigue?” In my “early days” I could confidently say it was the depression. However, as I have gotten older and my depression episodes have gotten longer and longer I … More The Chicken or the Egg?
I am easily… easily… easily……. distracted. I’ve been a daydreamer since I was a child. I had a hard time maintaining focus in school, especially when I found something boring. This is normal. I’d guess most people have difficulty maintaining 100% focus when they are bored by a subject. These days my lack of, or … More Oooh… Butterfly…
I have the mehs. Or, is a case of the mehs? Either way, I feel meh. Lately, I am 100% completely unmotivated to do anything. Okay, 100% may be a bit of hyperbole but nevertheless, I feel meh. I have been wandering around my house trying to focus my energies on something, but I just … More MEH
Depression isn’t an emotion. Depression does not equal sadness. Sadness is a fleeting emotion. When depression has really taken hold, I’m empty. I feel nothing. I’m a shell. I watch everything go by. I do the things I’m supposed to do, ones I’ve built a routine around, but I’m detached. It’s robotic. I do it … More Empty
I go through phases of keeping of food log. I usually start one when I feel like my eating habits have gotten unruly. It’s a way to reign myself back in. I started my current food log back in May. I’d gone over a year without keeping a log. Due to COVID, like many folks, … More My Control Delusion
It takes time to heal all wounds. It doesn’t matter if the wound is physical, emotional, or mental. A wound is a wound. If it causes pain, distress, or discomfort, it’s a wound. Everyone is different and experiences emotional and mental pain differently. A situation that may bother one person, may not bother another. This … More The Healing Powers of Time & Distance
The relationship I have with food is toxic. It’s a love/hate relationship. I love food, but I hate when I succumb to it. It’s wild to think that an inanimate substance meant to provide me with nourishment can fuck with my psyche the way it does. I can’t fully blame food, it’s not all its … More Just Eat It…Then, Purge It
When I was about thirteen-years-old I started reading The Last Vampire book series by Christopher Pike. It’s basically a rite of passage for adolescent teen girls to read books about vampires. This series preceded Twilight and is nothing like it. The protagonist of the series is actually a female vampire. She’s 5000 years old and … More Freedom from the Fruit
About a month ago, I started making a list of things I like about myself. I stayed away from physical attributes and focused more on personality or other intrinsic aspects. The list originally had 12 items. I was pleasantly surprised there were that many. Since then, I have added two more. Due to having Major … More Self-Confidence is not a Four Letter Word
Once upon a time, I wrote a poem. This time was August 20, 2018. Cellulite on my thighs Stretch marks on my ass Acne scars on my back and face Wrinkles around my eyes, smile, and forehead Stained teeth from coffee and tea A lazy left eye Booty isn’t round enough Booty isn’t big enough … More Insecurities
