The Chicken or the Egg?

Ahhh... the age old question, “What came first, the chicken or the egg?” Only in my case it’s, “What came first, the depression or the extreme fatigue?” In my “early days” I could confidently say it was the depression. However, as I have gotten older and my depression episodes have gotten longer and longer I... Continue Reading →

Oooh… Butterfly…

I am easily... easily... easily....... distracted. I’ve been a daydreamer since I was a child. I had a hard time maintaining focus in school, especially when I found something boring. This is normal. I’d guess most people have difficulty maintaining 100% focus when they are bored by a subject. These days my lack of, or... Continue Reading →

MEH

I have the mehs. Or, is a case of the mehs? Either way, I feel meh. Lately, I am 100% completely unmotivated to do anything. Okay, 100% may be a bit of hyperbole but nevertheless, I feel meh. I have been wandering around my house trying to focus my energies on something, but I just... Continue Reading →

Empty

Depression isn’t an emotion. Depression does not equal sadness. Sadness is a fleeting emotion. When depression has really taken hold, I’m empty. I feel nothing. I’m a shell. I watch everything go by. I do the things I’m supposed to do, ones I’ve built a routine around, but I’m detached. It’s robotic. I do it... Continue Reading →

My Control Delusion

I go through phases of keeping of food log. I usually start one when I feel like my eating habits have gotten unruly. It's a way to reign myself back in. I started my current food log back in May. I'd gone over a year without keeping a log. Due to COVID, like many folks,... Continue Reading →

The Healing Powers of Time & Distance

It takes time to heal all wounds. It doesn't matter if the wound is physical, emotional, or mental. A wound is a wound. If it causes pain, distress, or discomfort, it's a wound. Everyone is different and experiences emotional and mental pain differently. A situation that may bother one person, may not bother another. This... Continue Reading →

Just Eat It…Then, Purge It

The relationship I have with food is toxic. It's a love/hate relationship. I love food, but I hate when I succumb to it. It's wild to think that an inanimate substance meant to provide me with nourishment can fuck with my psyche the way it does. I can't fully blame food, it's not all its... Continue Reading →

Freedom from the Fruit

When I was about thirteen-years-old I started reading The Last Vampire book series by Christopher Pike.  It's basically a rite of passage for adolescent teen girls to read books about vampires. This series preceded Twilight and is nothing like it.  The protagonist of the series is actually a female vampire. She's 5000 years old and... Continue Reading →

Insecurities

Once upon a time, I wrote a poem. This time was August 20, 2018. Cellulite on my thighs Stretch marks on my ass Acne scars on my back and face Wrinkles around my eyes, smile, and forehead Stained teeth from coffee and tea A lazy left eye Booty isn't round enough Booty isn't big enough... Continue Reading →

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