The Anxious-Avoidant Clusterfuck

Yesterday, I finished reading the book, Attached, by Amir Levine MD and Rachel SF Heller M.A. I've come to the realization I have the rare combination (3-5% of the population according to the book) of Anxious-Avoidant attachment style. Interestingly enough, I believe my husband had the same attachment style. Lucky Us. I truly want connection... Continue Reading →

Just Show Up

This week I've been on Momcation. My kids have been at their grandparents' house for Spring Break. In the past I enjoyed Momcations. My husband was still alive, and it gave us time to do things as a couple without the normal parental distractions. After about 3 days, I get really lonely; Momcations are not... Continue Reading →

Anxiety Spiral

Anxiety fucking blows. My anxiety is in overdrive right now. I put myself out there with someone and I feel like I am in a constant state of fight or flight. My muscles are tense, my stomach is in knots; I don't want to eat, my heart is beating faster, not racing, just faster. I... Continue Reading →

Redeeming Qualities

As a person with depression I tend to fall into a spiral where I ruminate on all my flaws. I cover my insecurities with self-deprecation and humor. I never want to come across as conceited so I tend to swing the pendulum to the other side and point out all of my self-perceived flaws. When... Continue Reading →

The Chicken or the Egg?

Ahhh... the age old question, “What came first, the chicken or the egg?” Only in my case it’s, “What came first, the depression or the extreme fatigue?” In my “early days” I could confidently say it was the depression. However, as I have gotten older and my depression episodes have gotten longer and longer I... Continue Reading →

Oooh… Butterfly…

I am easily... easily... easily....... distracted. I’ve been a daydreamer since I was a child. I had a hard time maintaining focus in school, especially when I found something boring. This is normal. I’d guess most people have difficulty maintaining 100% focus when they are bored by a subject. These days my lack of, or... Continue Reading →


I have the mehs. Or, is a case of the mehs? Either way, I feel meh. Lately, I am 100% completely unmotivated to do anything. Okay, 100% may be a bit of hyperbole but nevertheless, I feel meh. I have been wandering around my house trying to focus my energies on something, but I just... Continue Reading →


Depression isn’t an emotion. Depression does not equal sadness. Sadness is a fleeting emotion. When depression has really taken hold, I’m empty. I feel nothing. I’m a shell. I watch everything go by. I do the things I’m supposed to do, ones I’ve built a routine around, but I’m detached. It’s robotic. I do it... Continue Reading →

My Control Delusion

I go through phases of keeping of food log. I usually start one when I feel like my eating habits have gotten unruly. It's a way to reign myself back in. I started my current food log back in May. I'd gone over a year without keeping a log. Due to COVID, like many folks,... Continue Reading →

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