I am in my head today. I have convinced myself my boyfriend hates me. In my head I believe he feels I am too complicated, too much, and too (whatever else comes to mind). I am sure he will break-up with me any minute. I am in my head today. I have convinced myself my... Continue Reading →
I'm approaching the 2nd anniversary of my husband's death, and I thought I would feel different than I currently do. I thought I would feel slightly more healed. I thought I would have my shit together (which is ridiculous because I've never really had my shit together). The kids and I moved into a new... Continue Reading →
This week I've been on Momcation. My kids have been at their grandparents' house for Spring Break. In the past I enjoyed Momcations. My husband was still alive, and it gave us time to do things as a couple without the normal parental distractions. After about 3 days, I get really lonely; Momcations are not... Continue Reading →
Truth be told, I am angry as fuck that my husband died. Scratch that, he didn't die, he was killed. He was killed by some dumb fucking cunt that couldn't be bothered to look both ways. Apparently, the baby shower she was already late to was more important than making sure she didn't kill anyone.... Continue Reading →
At the start of the 'Pandemic times' the news constantly spoke about adjusting to a "new normal." Other than my kids being home from school and being unable to go out socially, I really didn’t notice much of a difference. I had been a stay-at-home mom for years. We had put in a pool the... Continue Reading →
As a person with depression I tend to fall into a spiral where I ruminate on all my flaws. I cover my insecurities with self-deprecation and humor. I never want to come across as conceited so I tend to swing the pendulum to the other side and point out all of my self-perceived flaws. When... Continue Reading →
Ahhh... the age old question, “What came first, the chicken or the egg?” Only in my case it’s, “What came first, the depression or the extreme fatigue?” In my “early days” I could confidently say it was the depression. However, as I have gotten older and my depression episodes have gotten longer and longer I... Continue Reading →
I have the mehs. Or, is a case of the mehs? Either way, I feel meh. Lately, I am 100% completely unmotivated to do anything. Okay, 100% may be a bit of hyperbole but nevertheless, I feel meh. I have been wandering around my house trying to focus my energies on something, but I just... Continue Reading →
Depression isn’t an emotion. Depression does not equal sadness. Sadness is a fleeting emotion. When depression has really taken hold, I’m empty. I feel nothing. I’m a shell. I watch everything go by. I do the things I’m supposed to do, ones I’ve built a routine around, but I’m detached. It’s robotic. I do it... Continue Reading →
About a month ago, I started making a list of things I like about myself. I stayed away from physical attributes and focused more on personality or other intrinsic aspects. The list originally had 12 items. I was pleasantly surprised there were that many. Since then, I have added two more. Due to having Major... Continue Reading →
Lost in Resolute Reverie 