I am currently sitting at my desk eating a piece of red velvet cake roll (store bought) and ice cream. Not because I am hungry but because it is Christmas. I am a Christmas glutton. I throw caution to the wind and eat until I feel sick to my stomach, have a massive ‘food baby,’ and begin to hate myself. While I am stuffing myself silly, I tell myself, “It’s okay, Shannon, you’ll do better tomorrow. You’re only eating like a teenage boy smack in the middle of puberty because it’s Christmas. That’s what folks do; they eat, drink, and be merry.”
This Christmas is just weird. I previously posted about not being with my family for the first time ever on Christmas Eve and being okay with it, however, it was weird. I enjoyed not traveling the hour to and from my parents’ house. I definitely didn’t mind not having to drag gifts there and back, along with a ton of food. It was nice to just be home. It was just weird and didn’t feel like Christmas. I’d like to think the current guilt I feel about my gluttonous behavior today (yesterday, too), is because it doesn’t feel like Christmas and I shouldn’t be eating this way. In actuality it’s because I know how depressed I’ll be if I can’t rid myself of the few pounds I’ll inevitably gain. I hate the way I feel when it comes to food.
Anyway, this Christmas was also different because we didn’t have a lot of presents for our kids. This summer we bought them a trampoline, new Trek bikes (not cheap), and we adopted two kittens. It’s not like we had a lot of fancy things left to get them. We got them iPads for Christmas, and they are expensive. The quantity of gifts they received was considerably lower than years past, however, the quality was good. Both of my boys got what they really wanted and things they asked for. I was pleasantly surprised they were not disappointed in the amount of gifts they received. My younger son, Luke, can be a bit selfish and self-centered, but he thanked me twice for his presents.
Since my family has always made a bigger deal out of Christmas Eve instead of Christmas Day, I feel this sense of calm now that the holidays are essentially over. This year there isn’t any NYE pressure, either. No outfit to buy. No plans to make. Just PJs and TV. I can enjoy the second week of winter break. No virtual learning to tend to and no holiday fuckery to deal with. Usually, my kids go to my in-laws for five days but not this year. No winter “Momcation” for me. It’s a bummer for sure, but hopefully this Spring they can finally visit their grandparents, and I can finally have some time for myself (that’s one thing I wouldn’t mind being in excess of).