Once upon a time, I wrote a poem. This time was August 20, 2018.
Cellulite on my thighs
Stretch marks on my ass
Acne scars on my back and face
Wrinkles around my eyes, smile, and forehead
Stained teeth from coffee and tea
A lazy left eye
Booty isn’t round enough
Booty isn’t big enough
Waist isn’t small enough
Thighs aren’t toned enough
Always chasing perfection
Just a few more pounds to lose
Just another inch to lose
Ass needs to lift a bit more
My rib cage is uneven
My breasts don’t sit right
I wish they were higher
I wish they were closer together
Always chasing perfection
Faking like I’m confident
Pretending like I’m comfortable in my own skin
Is that a fat roll?
No, it’s just skin, but it looks like fat
I guess I can’t wear that
Don’t smile for the camera, the wrinkles will show
Thirty-seven, UGH!
Why can’t I look young like Halle Berry or J.Lo?
I bet they’re pretty without make-up
I bet they don’t break out like they’re seventeen
Bacne is a bitch
I swear I have good hygiene
Always chasing perfection
Lose weight
Am I perfect yet?
Boob job
Am I perfect yet?
Squat heavy
Am I perfect yet?
Always chasing perfection
Ignore the scars on my arm
That’s just mental pain
Ignore the scars on my hip
That’s just mental pain
Run until I can’t breathe
Did I lose weight?
Am I skinny enough yet
Don’t eat past 7:00, or I’ll be fat in the morning
Dammit! I binge ate
Oh well, there is a laxative for that
Ignore the food baby, she’ll be gone by morning
Wake-up, weigh myself
Wake-up, measure myself
Will I be smaller?
Will I be bigger?
Fuck! I shouldn’t have eaten all that ice cream
Run five miles
Weigh again
That’s better, down a pound
Wake-up, weigh myself
I’m skinny today
Let’s celebrate with a selfie
Take a picture
Nope, not the right angle
Dammit, that one had shitty light
Twenty pictures later…
This one’s okay, let me post it
Chasing perfection
Trying to outrun my insecurities
Tell me I’m pretty
I won’t believe you
Tell me I’m perfect
Dude, that’s a lie
Don’t tell me I’m perfect
It fucks with my anxiety
All my insecurities flash before me
Always chasing perfection
I wish I was comfortable being me
Lost in Resolute Reverie 