Insecurities

Once upon a time, I wrote a poem. This time was August 20, 2018.

Cellulite on my thighs

Stretch marks on my ass

Acne scars on my back and face

Wrinkles around my eyes, smile, and forehead

Stained teeth from coffee and tea

A lazy left eye

Booty isn’t round enough

Booty isn’t big enough

Waist isn’t small enough

Thighs aren’t toned enough

Always chasing perfection

Just a few more pounds to lose

Just another inch to lose

Ass needs to lift a bit more

My rib cage is uneven

My breasts don’t sit right

I wish they were higher

I wish they were closer together

Always chasing perfection

Faking like I’m confident

Pretending like I’m comfortable in my own skin

Is that a fat roll?

No, it’s just skin, but it looks like fat

I guess I can’t wear that

Don’t smile for the camera, the wrinkles will show

Thirty-seven, UGH!

Why can’t I look young like Halle Berry or J.Lo?

I bet they’re pretty without make-up

I bet they don’t break out like they’re seventeen

Bacne is a bitch

I swear I have good hygiene

Always chasing perfection

Lose weight

Am I perfect yet?

Boob job

Am I perfect yet?

Squat heavy

Am I perfect yet?

Always chasing perfection

Ignore the scars on my arm

That’s just mental pain

Ignore the scars on my hip

That’s just mental pain

Run until I can’t breathe

Did I lose weight?

Am I skinny enough yet

Don’t eat past 7:00, or I’ll be fat in the morning

Dammit! I binge ate

Oh well, there is a laxative for that

Ignore the food baby, she’ll be gone by morning

Wake-up, weigh myself

Wake-up, measure myself

Will I be smaller?

Will I be bigger?

Fuck! I shouldn’t have eaten all that ice cream

Run five miles

Weigh again

That’s better, down a pound

Wake-up, weigh myself

I’m skinny today

Let’s celebrate with a selfie

Take a picture

Nope, not the right angle

Dammit, that one had shitty light

Twenty pictures later…

This one’s okay, let me post it

Chasing perfection

Trying to outrun my insecurities

Tell me I’m pretty

I won’t believe you

Tell me I’m perfect

Dude, that’s a lie

Don’t tell me I’m perfect

It fucks with my anxiety

All my insecurities flash before me

Always chasing perfection

I wish I was comfortable being me