Ghosting Versus Vanishing

The difference between ghosting and vanishing is when someone ghosts you, their vanishing act haunts you, whereas, when someone vanishes, you really don’t give a shit.  I am guilty of vanishing, however, I am also guilty of ghosting, especially when it comes to this blog. Sorry.

I hate being ghosted.  I mean, who likes it?  I guess that goes without saying, but I just don’t understand why it is now more mainstream, commonplace, and worst of all, acceptable.  When someone claims to have feelings for me, and then inexplicably, disappears from my life, without explanation, I am just supposed to accept it because that is what people do now. Well I say, “Fuck that!”  I am sick of guys claiming they have “feelings”, or “really like me”, or “felt a connection”, or some other bullshit they may spew, and then just cutting off communication without any sort of reason, or explanation. The decent thing to do is give some type of reason, or explanation.  It could be as simple as, “I have lost interest in you.”  Would that hurt? Fuck yeah! However, I’d be over that shit in a couple of days.  I wouldn’t have this perpetual anxiety.  I wouldn’t constantly be thinking about what happened, or what it was that I did “wrong”.  Or, the constant wondering why they suddenly flipped the script.  I would know, one way or the other, whether, or not, it’s officially over.  Even if it isn’t serious, once emotions become involved, I think I am at least owed that.  Instead I am being haunted by this ghost of a situationship that never was.

I think I am done dating guys that are too much my type.  I obviously will need to have some sort of attraction, but I need to stay away from smart guys.  They are my weakness.  I suppose I really am sapiosexual.  I can’t help it.  When I can have an intelligent conversation with a man, my attraction to him can level up several points. I didn’t even realize this was a turn-on for me until recently.  It’s probably one of the reasons I am separated.  My ex rarely wanted to move beyond anything superficial, unless it had something to do with asinine conspiracy theories, that had no basis in fact, but which he treated as law.  Well that and motorcylces.

From now on, if a guy says he really likes me, and I feel any glimmer of a mutual affection, or attraction, I’m done.  I am cutting him off.  I am making strides in improving myself and finding my worth.  These men are distractions.  If a man is going to make declarations of affection, beyond the superficial, then he needs to be ready for reciprocity.  If that scares him, then he needs to move his ass along.  I’m not trying to be in a relationship, but there is a middle ground in which a man and woman can have a connection, mutual respect, and understanding for each other’s situations.  At least there is in my eyes.  I can’t commit to a relationship, because I am still attached to my marriage.  I still care about my ex-husband.  Ex-husband doesn’t even sound right.  I don’t feel right saying it.  I don’t feel right saying husband either.  See, totally not ready to be one-hundred percent committed to anyone else.  However, I do crave that mental connection.  That mental connection that leads to amazing sex, and a craving for a certain person, but only if it is reciprocated!

Everything in my life is up in the air.  I am uncertain about so many things. I have been very open about this with any guy I have dated.  Some have vanished, and that is okay, because there wasn’t anything beyond superficial.  We both went our separate ways.  It’s those that have turned into ghosts that I struggle with.  A man can end it; just don’t ghost. Don’t haunt me.

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