I start a blog intent on writing at least once a week, if not more. Two montshs go by, and nothing. It isn’t that I don’t have anything to say; I’ve just gotten incredibly lazy, and my mind won’t focus. My husband, and I have been separated for getting close to 3 months, but it doesn’t feel like a separation. We have had hardly anytime apart. Dating is a disaster. I am so annoyed with guys. They do not understand the concept of “casual dating.” They think a woman either wants to “hook-up” or be in a relationship. I don’t want either. I want to go out, get to know someone, either see them again, or not. If we continue to see each other and there is chemistry, sure sex will most likely occur. However, when a guy constantly brings it up, it gets so annoying. Plus, the one “normal” guy I thought I met, turned out to be a fixer; someone who thinks I am broken and wants him to fix me. That got old really fast. Which sucks, because he was excellent at oral sex. I know sounds contradictory, right? He could also carry a conversation, until we started arguing all of the time. We weren’t even in a relationship. I don’t want to argue with someone I am not even in a relationship with. The nights I am able to actually go out and socialize, I prefer spending in my bed watching The Office.
The one time I went out by myself, and drank, I ended up passing out, throwing up, passing out again, and a dude ended up taking advantage of my fucked-up state, making me feel ashamed, even though he was the douch bag in the situation. Then there is the guy that I kind of sort of dated for a while that keeps entering my mind at the most annoying moments. I’ll go days without a thought, and then BAM! There he is in my brain. So damn aggravating! He fucked with my emotions, and I still have him creeping into my thoughts! I would like to go on a date and have a normal conversation with a guy, and then him not send me random dick pics, or masturbation videos. All of this aggravation has made me realize my husband wasn’t so bad, but for some reason, I still need to sow some oats. Like I am not done dating, but I don’t want a relationship. I swear I don’t make any sort of sense.
I need a hobby. I need a purpose in life. That is where the happiness lies. I am unhappy being a housewife/stay-at-home mom. It isn’t in my personality profile to live like this. I need something fulfilling, but a 9-5 job isn’t going to cut it either. I have a few months to get my shit together, because that is when my husband/ex-husband’s lease runs out and I’ll be damned if we have to pay for an apartment for an additional six months if we decide to stay together.
This blog post brought to you by tequila.