Actions > Words

After all the heartache I have experienced I can be thankful for one thing, I know what I am and am not willing to put up with. Through all the good and bad parts of my marriage, through all the dates I went on during my “open” marriage, separation, and dating after my husband’s death, I learned a lot. 

The most important thing, WORDS DON’T MEAN A FUCKING THING! It’s actions. ACTIONS are all that matter. Men will “TELL” you anything, but what will they actually show you? If he isn’t showing you, he is not the one. 

A man can tell me I am the most wonderful woman he has ever met and he doesn’t normally act this way with women (which is narcissist 101, by the way) but if he doesn’t DO anything, it’s just empty words and promises.

Recently, I told a man I liked him. We briefly dated last Fall I wasn’t ready for anything more than casual at the time and he was looking for more than just casual. We continued to communicate as just friends. I quit even attempting to date in this time frame. After several weeks I realized I genuinely liked this man. Our conversations became a little flirty but I made it clear I didn’t want to be Friends with Benefits. Those situations never work out for me, especially if I like the person. He asked me what this space between FWBs and relationship is; I replied with, “The development zone?” To me, the development zone;  a zone where things can develop into a relationship. My intentions were clear. We made plans to see each other, twice. 

He canceled the first time in a timely manner with what appeared to be a legitimate excuse. The second time was at the last minute. The excuse itself, while ridiculous, wasn’t the worst I have heard; he was tired. Okay, I get it, people get tired. I told him my feelings were hurt. He said, “I’m sorry.” That was it. It has been over 48 hours. I haven’t heard a peep. He ghosted me. After 5 months of communicating in some way nearly everyday, he fucking ghosted me. 

I feel stupid and emotionally used. I genuinely like this man. The only way I will entertain him again will require actions on his part; I am not going to listen to his words. It is the first time I am able to stand up for myself. If he is truly sorry, if he wants something with me, then I am requiring him to come at me John Cusack in Say Anything style, a boombox outside my window.

I need and require grand romantic gestures. I am sick of making a fool of myself. It is time a man makes a fool of himself for me. I am worth it. I’m not fooling myself into thinking this will happen, his actions thus far have shown me otherwise. 

I have so much to offer the right man, but the key is, he will need to have a lot to offer me, too. I need to feel wanted, and not just for my physical appearance. I need to feel wanted because of who I am as a person. Attraction for me is much more than just physical appearance. I need to feel mentally attracted to someone. Mental attraction for me enhances physical attraction and my desire for someone. 

I don’t like that I wasted time on someone who didn’t even have the decency to say he wasn’t interested in me like that and would rather keep things in the friend zone.