I Want You; I Don’t Need You

I might want a man (at times) but I sure as FUCK do not need one. The more I attempt to date, the more I realize emotionally immature, insecure men are the ones who desire to be needed in a relationship. They have the need for a woman to be financially dependent on him. 

Men who cannot, or will not (looking at you, narcissists), provide for women on an emotional level need women to depend on them on a more basic level; shelter, food, etc. If a financially independent woman needs a man to provide emotional support and he cannot, she is likely to kick him to the curb. 

Men who cannot, or will not, provide emotional support to women who are financially secure are of low value. (see Dickonomics). We do not care for men who cannot enhance our lives beyond a level of the basic necessities. 

When I was married, my husband said to me, “I don’t care that you do things for me, I can do myself; I can’t suck my own dick and I can’t fuck myself.” This has stuck with me for years. It even managed to come out, therapeutically, in an improv scene. Was that all I was to him? A sex doll? I took care of him because I loved him, and he viewed me as an object of pleasure? I don’t think this was 100% the case, however it made me doubt my place in our marriage. It felt to me, at the time, I was there for his pleasure, and my emotional needs were not valid as long as I was financially taken care of.

Now that I am out in the dating world, I am able to use all the things I learned while being married to figure out what I do and do not want in a relationship. One thing I absolutely know I do not want, being financially dependent on a man. 

I may want companionship. I may want sex. I do not NEED either. I need air to breathe. I need food and water to live. I do not, in anyway, need a man to fulfill my life or bolster my existence. I need me to fulfill my life. Women of the world, I implore you to recognize your worth. I implore you to kick a piece of shit to the curb, because in addition to “if he wanted to, he would,” remember, “if he won’t, another man will.” Furthermore, “Fuck dogs; get money.”

Again, if you find yourself needing him, reevaluate your life. A man should enhance your life, not complete it.