Shifting Boundaries?

I began taking improv classes at Push Comedy Theater at the end June of 2018 during my separation. About a week into classes my husband and I decided he would be moving back in on Labor Day but until then would continue living our lives as separated. I’d already become hooked on the culture and community at Push, so I decided that while still continuing to live separate lives I would not be “hooking up” with anyone from Push. I knew I would continue attending Push as either a student and/or audience member and didn’t want to ruin that. 

After my husband died in 2021, I made it known that I had a “no Push people” rule. I don’t shit where I eat. I have made a lot of friends in this community, both men and women. The overwhelming majority of my male friends respect this rule. They don’t hit on me. They don’t ask me out. They don’t put me in a position where I feel uncomfortable. It’s honestly refreshing. I can call on them for favors without feeling like they are going to think I “owe” them. I am also friends with some of those that have “coupled up” and my lady friends can trust I am not going to “go after” their man. 

The downside to this rule is it’s basically the only place I go. I’ve both read and had folks tell me, “if you want to meet someone, don’t hang out in bars, do the activities you enjoy and you’ll meet someone with common interests.” 

When I was 15, I wrote a list of personality traits I would like in my ‘dream guy,’ not much has changed.

I want a sweet, sensitive, funny, artsy, smart, not overbearing, easy to talk to guy that has great taste in music that I can fart in front of. #relationshipgoals

— Shannon Fox (@Res_Reverie) April 21, 2022

This is my dilemma. How do I expect to meet someone where I do something I enjoy if I refuse to become involved with anyone I meet from there? 

We’ve had an influx of “newbies” at the theater lately, and thanks to the renovation from hell and my son’s gymnastic season, I haven’t been around the theater as much except to perform in my own shows. I am now living in my mostly renovated house and gymnastics season is over, so I have more time to attend shows. I am not sure who is a part of the theater and who is just an audience member, anymore. 

I don’t want to amend this rule. I feel it is important to have boundaries. However, what if the perfect man for me decides to take improv classes and my dumbass is all like, “I see you are exactly everything I want in a dude but unfortunately you are a student here and I cannot pursue you and must deflect any and all advances.” On the other side of the coin, I have seen too many people get together and their relationship falls apart and one half of the couple stops coming around as much. I already ‘won’ the theater when my friendship with another theater member fell apart. Furthermore, what if I meet someone and they decide to take classes at the theater, therefore becoming part of the theater, do I stop seeing them? “Sorry, you’re now a student of the theater, we can no longer see each other,” sounds ridiculous, doesn’t it?

At the moment there is no one I am interested in from the theater, this is all just supposition. I suppose I am wondering if it’s okay to at least shift my boundaries just a tad.